Currently I find myself in a bit of a contradictory place, creatively.  I find I want to make lots of stuff, look at lots of art, read loads of book, and just generally create.  But when I get down to really thinking about it, I find myself occupying that numbing state of staring at a blank page.  Sometimes literally, sometimes metaphorically.  It’s such a rush to make something out of nothing, and it drives me bananas when I can’t turn ideas into something tangible – or sometimes just turn the ‘urge’ into an idea. 

Things I’ve made over the last week or two:

  • Two felt brooches: one for me, then today one for my sister-in-law to wear when she takes part in Edinburgh’s Moonwalk next weekend (http://www.walkthewalk.org/Home)
  • Some bread for us and some for my in-laws (as a thank you for doing lots of ironing for us)
  • A banana loaf (same as above… I owe my in laws a lot of gratitude!)
  • A toy and a photo frame from a kit at work, to try and encourage the people in the class, who were looking at them askance, to have a go
  • loads of meals!  (and now twice using salad from our own garden.  This makes me feel ridiculously green fingered)
  • this very embryonic blog
  • some plans for a children’s blog using lots of artwork they’ve produced

Things that I want to make that I keep putting off, because I don’t want to face the fear of the (literal/metaphorical) blank page:

  • a painting.  I have lots of unfinished ones stuffed in various nooks and crannies.  It would be great to look them in the eye and bring them to a nice satisfactory ending
  • loads of knitting projects, which I’m terrible for starting with enormous enthusiasm and self-belief and then after not very long getting distracted or put off.  Either something else looks a bit more interesting to do, or I am at the limits of my very limited skills and just get plain stuck. 
  • a book for children.  My degree was in illustration, and whilst I didn’t want to pursue that as a career at the time, this particular ambition needs to be realised at some point in my life.  Don’t even need it to get published, just to do it!  (See, if I set my expectations low then it’s much more attainable.  And yet it’s still on the ‘to do’ list)
  • a proper, bona fide, fully functioning and all-year-round vegetable garden.  I’ve dipped my toe in the waters here but just can’t seem to find the time or the courage to properly take it on.  We are not natural-born gardeners, but I feel utterly convinced it’s the best thing our family can do in terms of eating locally produced food.  Would love some chickens too…
  • guerrilla art!  guerrilla gardens!  anything I can do swiftly, secretly and without bringing distress to others – hopefully the opposite in fact.

My sketchbook is currently empty of any meaningful ideas.  I find inspiration and profound thought all around me.  I just need to make a link.  It feels a bit like a sort of creative dyslexia, where the germs of inspiration are struggling to make the journey from one part of my brain to another.  But it also feels like I’m on the edge of something new beginning.

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